If I were a Victorian woman, I could call it "hysteria."

So, at first, this whole grad school thing was lovely. Hey, I get to go to England, I get to be in the program I wanted, they don't seem to have a grudge against me for being a stupid art student; what's not to like? But now that I have leapt on their offer like the desperate woman I am and paid my large and unrefundable deposit, I am suddenly faced with the fact that, so long as I don't get hit by a truck in the next few months, they will expect me in England at the end of September. Dude, I had complete culture shock just from going to California. In addition, this evening my dad casually brought to my attention the fact that, in grad school, you usually have to hang around all summer. Therefore, it's entirely possible that I will be leaving the US in September 2008 and not returning until January of 2010. (No, I don't get to come home for the holidays. Why would my parents let me come back when they could take advantage of my good fortune and visit England?)

I get a backpack and one suitcase. This means leaving most of my movies and pretty much all my books behind. This fact alone throws me into a tailspin. Do I count on Project Gutenberg? But I might not have Internet in my room. Will the library have Isaac Asimov, Damon Runyon, and Connie Willis? Almost certainly not. How many movies can I bring? What if my little region-free portable DVD player dies in 2009?

Plus, there are more practical concerns. Who will take care of my pretty, expensive American teeth? How will I hit my optometrist up for more contact lenses? Do I have to fly home to do all this? What a pain in the ass.

And, in addition, I have this list of things I have to do before I leave. Some of them are practical, some of them are not, and all of them make me panic.

Get my visa

Get the HPV vaccine (I'm now out of time and can't keep putting it off)

Kick my Diet Coke habit (I won't be able to afford it over there, but the withdrawal period is awful)

Lose the second half of my excess weight so I won't be the fat American (I'm soooo glad I started out in August, or life would be looking ugly right now)

Do something about the clothing situation

Figure out what other shots I need and get them

Figure out my housing situation

Pack and repack and repack again because if I forget something, I probably can't afford to replace it or have it shipped over

Attempt to raise the value of the dollar through sheer will

Find the cookbooks I used in California because the British are making me cook for myself and, having learned something about what they'd feed me, I'm actually pretty grateful

Hope for the Kindle, mk 2, to come out and solve my book problem

Find the money to replace my MP3 player, which has been good to me for nearly 4 years now but will probably not live through my entire stay (and, of course...I can't afford to replace it over there)

Buy the things I never needed in California, like an umbrella

Finish at least 3/4ths of Wheelock's Latin. When I did my application and they asked about my language skills, I was pretty accurate about German and French but had to put down "poor" for Latin because they didn't have a "horrific" option

Mourn the loss of House and Bones

And now, even though I'm nowhere near finished with this list, I'm going to take melatonin and try to sleep, because Item 4 requires me to get up early tomorrow morning and go for my run, in the pouring rain if necessary.