Saturday, March 28, 2009

26 weeks?

I was out for a walk this evening, and it occurred to me that, as of this morning, I've been here six months.

It doesn't feel that long. I mean, I know that's a long time. And if I think about all the time between September and now, I realize it's been a long time. But it doesn't feel very long. And it's weird to experience subjective time this way. In California I was only away from home for three or four months at a stretch, and it seemed to take years because I was miserable all the time. Being here is more like being at the coast house - it isn't technically home, but it feels like it is. It doesn't feel like I'm suffering in a tiny apartment and desperately wishing for my next break so I can get away. Here, time just passes normally instead of dragging excruciatingly along. And it's very weird for me to experience time normally at school, because all my previous time in college has been spent in a haze of "God, why am I still here in this awful place? Make it stop!"

I'm aware that that probably didn't make any sense to anyone but me. Anyway. Six months. That's kind of impressive.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Hair

I wear my hair in a ponytail a lot these days. It's easy to do, and my hair is short enough right now that it stays in without migrating down the back of my head (by "short", I mean "merely 3 inches past my waist, as opposed to where it used to be, which is 3 inches past my butt") or pulling excruciatingly at the hairline. But today, I looked in the mirror, and I noticed that my henna is grown out to the point where it looks like I scraped all my brown hair back and attached a fake red ponytail.

Sigh.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

An Apology To My Nose

Yes, that's a picture of me. No, I don't know how I got it to be so flattering, (yes, even with the breakout and the circles under my eyes, this qualifies as flattering, because I can look at it without wincing) but I kind of want to bottle my success and sell it.

I've been trying to get back into portraiture lately, mostly to decompress from my archaeological illustration class. And although I was never very good, I at least used to be better than I've been this past week. The problem most people have is with being too self-referential, so that your picture of someone else ends up with your own facial features, because we're all most familiar with our own faces. So I kept drawing people with huge eyes and long noses and I couldn't make myself stop it no matter what I did, and I thought maybe if I drew myself I could relearn which features to be careful about, exorcise my problem, and move on.

So this afternoon I took a bunch of pictures of myself, without putting on makeup or fixing my hair or anything, because I am way too lazy for that, and I was trying to avoid looking in the mirror too much beforehand, because when I do that I start to make "mirror face" and my pictures come out looking nothing like me (this one kind of doesn't either, but that's mostly because I have no expression at all.)

I would now like to apologize to my nose, and to all the people I have ever subjected to whining about my nose. Because, as you can clearly see, my nose is quite acceptably in proportion with my eyes and the entire upper two-thirds of my face. It is, in fact, my mouth that is causing all the problems here. It's like someone hit the lower third of my face with a shrink ray.

So, I'm sorry, Nose. And Mouth, you are now the one on my shitlist.

Driver's License

So I was doing that thing I always do where I plan things 20 steps in advance (I can't help it, and most of the time I wish I didn't do it, but there you go) and something alarming occurred to me.

I'm planning to put in my application for a post-study work visa during the spring holidays (I'm not going home, because I have too much to get done, so I won't need my passport. And I want to start applying for jobs before everyone else does.) And I went through all the points-based stuff for that - I have enough money in my bank account and everything, so that's all okay. And then I started going through everything else that I have to do within, like, the next year (I know, shut up), and I remembered about my U.S. driver's license. I'm allowed to use it to drive with up until September (I do have an international driver's license, but that expires at the same time, I think) and I figured I could stick the driver's license to the bottom of my list of things to care about, because the idea of driving here makes me break out in hives anyway, but then I looked at the license itself and it expires in January 2010. And, you know, I don't know if I'll be going back to the States before then. I have to write my dissertation this summer, and then by fall I need to have a job, and my parents are probably going to want to come here for Christmas again, especially if they can stay at my apartment, and really there isn't any excuse I can come up with to get them to fly me home just so I can renew my driver's license. (That's really alarming all by itself, isn't it? I don't know the next time I'll see home again - and I kind of don't care.)

So I took a look at other things I can do, and it turns out that instead of going home to renew it I can just exchange it for a GB driver's license, and that way I would be able to drive here after a year (you know, if I wanted to) and also I wouldn't have to go through all the hassle of going back home. But - wow, that kind of freaks me out. It's so alarmingly permanent. Getting visas and going through the stages of getting citizenship and all doesn't seem so permanent, because even once I get them there's no reason why I can't say, at any point, "You know, suddenly I really hate it here," and leave immediately with minimal hassle. But once I give them my driver's license...well, what would I have to go through to get another U.S. license? They already want more ID for those than they do to get a passport, for heaven's sake. It would probably be a complete nightmare. I guess before this occurred to me I was kind of meandering happily along, going "Yeah, I'll follow the path to citizenship, live here for five years, it'll be fine...WHOA, WAIT, BACK UP A MINUTE, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT."

Friday, March 13, 2009

Interrogative

You know how, sometimes, it's a week before the end of term, and you have a theory paper to write? But no one else has been turning up for classes, so the whole atmosphere of the department has been unusually relaxed, so it sort of feels like term has ended anyway? So you're sitting at your desk, and you have your theory article all set, and you've collected all the background material you think you'll need to critique it, but your brain is four feet away, in its pajamas in bed, having a Harry Potter DVD marathon, and it's all "Oh, sorry, did we have a paper to write? I kinda don't feel like it now. I'll get back to you later."? And the worst part is that you have five weeks off for spring holidays, but you're going to have to spend them writing your mini-dissertation and inking your drawings for Archaeological Illustration and putting your journal together for your experimental class, so your brain shouldn't be over there watching DVDs anyway?

Just me, then? Yeah, it usually is.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Unspeakable Madness of Region Codes

So I'm thinking that I might have to come up with a system of colored stickers, or something, because I am driving myself crazy with DVDs.

My little region-free portable DVD player is on its last legs - it's nearly unwatchable at this point, because it keeps adjusting the contrast all by itself so that the entire screen slides back and forth between completely white and completely black. So I can't really use it anymore, which is sad. But I have a portable Region 2 player that I got on deep discount right after Christmas. And I can play Region 1 DVDs on my computer. I can also play Region 2 DVDs on it, but this requires at least 30 minutes of preparation and some illegal software, plus I have to save the movie as a file, and my external hard drive is almost full, so I just use the new portable for Region 2's.

And msot of my movies are on the hard drive anyway, but I also have about 50 DVDs that I have picked up since I got here (because it costs 3 pounds to borrow them from the library, but if they are older I can get them on sale at HMV or on Amazon for 4 pounds. See, it actually does make sense. I realize that there is a third option here, and that option is JUST WATCH WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE, but I am a movie whore and cannot do that for long, alas). And they are a mix of Regions 1 and 2. And this is why I am going insane. Because I have to remember that, for instance, all my X-Files are Region 1, except for season 3, which is Regon 2 because David got it for me for my birthday and he used Amazon. co.uk. And I bought that one on Amazon.co.uk, but it's Region 1 because it never came out in England, and my parents brought me this one for Christmas, so it's Region 1, but I got its sequel here so that's Region 2, etc. And yes, it does say on the cases which region it is, and also the Region 2 ones have the British age rating system on them, but I am apparently really talented at absent-mindedly sticking the DVD in the wrong player, because I evidently enjoy error messages. I need big, obvious stickers.

I would, someday, like to have all my DVDs in one country (preferably this one - I forsee a lot of going home for Christmas with empty suitcases in my future) and this is not good. I may as well start using a sticker system now, or resign myself to keeping Region 1 DVDs and player in one room, and Region 2's in an entirely separate one. You know. When I'm rich.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Oh Well, It's Not Like I Was Using That Anyway

So, having gotten over my sinus issues, which I got as soon as I got over my stomach issues, I now have a cough. It's ugly and hacking and thoroughly unpleasant to listen to, which is why I'm glad I have my own room. Anyway, I developed it last night while I was sprawled in bed watching bad movies, and I kind of went "Oh hell," but it's not like I could go out at 10 pm and get something to take care of it.

So this morning, I got up and went about my business as usual (well, not as usual, really, because I spent all morning throwing failed drawings in the trash, but we won't go there right now because there's a very long story with embarrassing components) and went out around 11 pm to get lunch. And the girl at the counter asked me if I needed a carrier bag, and I said "No thank you," only actually, I didn't, because I had lost my voice. And I had no idea until that point because that was the first time I had spoken all day.

I'm not sure at what point my voice came back, because I didn't need to say anything further until about 5 pm when I went out to get dinner, and at that point I could speak.

And I'm telling this story because - this is fairly typical of a day when I don't have class. I don't talk except when I have to go out to get food, and usually the only thing I say then is "Thanks," when I get my change. And I don't have to speak much in class, either. In fact, I think the most I say all week is when I spend 10 minutes every Thursday presenting my seminar readings for that day. It's actually kind of alarming how much I don't need to speak anymore.

So, you know. The cough is annoying, but the accompanying loss of my voice? Not so upsetting.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Accents

I was just talking to NephthysWrath about this, and I figured I have more to say and I don't think I can finish my seminar reading right now anyway, so...here I am.

I'm never going to lose my accent. There's an American professor in the archaeology department who has been here for God knows how many years, and he has no trace of a British accent. None of the other American students have picked one up. It just doesn't happen once you pass a certain age. You do pick up the slang - you have to because you would sound silly otherwise. I started accidentally using it to my parents about 10 weeks ago (they kindly point out when I do it by mocking me mercilessly for hours afterwards.) So I find myself irrationally annoyed by undergrads who come over for, like, three months and begin pretending that they have picked up the accent and just can't help using it. No you haven't, you poseur.

The other thing is - they're obviously doing it because Americans fetishize the British accent in a way that is completely creepy. No, I'm serious. Think about it. If my situation were reversed, and I were a British student going to school in the States right now, I would be wildly uncomfortable at least 75% of the time. Americans are weird about British accents. And it's nice for me because no one is weird about American accents over here (well, no one I've met, anyway.) At least, I have yet to have anyone act weird about my accent. Occasionally someone will make conversation with me about the States based on my accent (they sometimes ask whether I'm American or Canadian first) but mostly I get treated like I don't have one, which is fine with me. Sometimes people will look slightly taken aback when they ask me for directions to the train station and I answer, and sometimes I will ask someone for directions and they will ask how familiar I am with the city before they answer, but that is perfectly acceptable behavior. But I think, if I were British and in America, I would have been subjected to a lot of enthusiastic and uncomfortable conversations by now.

I actually had a friend here tell me a story about job hunting in America, and being offered a job after she phoned the company for the fist time, based solely on the fact that she had a British accent. I mean, really. Weird. Why are we so weird about accents?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Dissertations

We all (well, the archaeology department's MA students, anyway) have to do a mini-dissertation this semester, apparently to prove that we do indeed have research skills (a good idea in my case, as everyone else has written a dissertation before, and I've only had The Shitty Senior Thesis Show of Infamy) and so we can maybe use this as a stepping stone to the actual dissertation, which we do this summer. And basically, we can do whatever we want, as long as we can somehow vaguely relate it to archaeology. So I picked a topic in paleopathology. And now I am learning the pitfalls of getting to do extensive research in your favorite subject. The books you need are always shelved with other books you do not need, but which appear irresistibly fascinating. So, every time I go to the library, I come back with one or two books that I will actually use for the mini-dissertation, and five or six that have nothing to do with my subject but which I absolutely need to read immediately. I did not have this problem when I had to do art theory research, because reading more that I needed to would have caused my brain to break down. But now? I spend more time reading books I picked up on a whim than I do reading books that I'm actually going to use. It's very bad.

I actually asked my mother if she could maybe send me some journal articles, because I am even worse when it comes to databases. "Ooo, this article doesn't really have anything to do with my subject, but it looks so interesting. I'll just take a few minutes to read it, and then I'll get back to what I'm supposed to be doing." And then five hours later I finally tear myself away from the database because I'm starving, but have accomplished nothing except to become very well-informed about a subject that is tangentially related to what I'm supposed to be researching.

It's going to be a very long summer, isn't it?