Peanut Butter

So, I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been completely unable to figure out what the peanut butter situation in England is. I admit that I haven’t actually sat down and demanded that Google tell me if there is peanut butter in England, but when I search for other things I keep running across conversations that go like this:

Brit: "We do so have peanut butter in England! We’re just as civilized as you Americans!"

American: "Yeah, but your peanut butter tastes like roadkill. Plus, you all talk funny."

My family actually knows people that have not only been to England, but have actually gone to the same school I’m going to, but this hasn’t been all that helpful. My dad is, understandably, reluctant to ask his co-worker about peanut butter, and my brother refuses to ask his friend’s dad because he doesn’t think I should be eating peanut butter at all (he is under the mistaken impression that he is in charge of the size of my ass). I tried pointing out that if you’re a vegetarian, and you hate cheese, there isn’t much else you can put in your sandwiches, but he has been unmoved. For this reason, I have spent all summer morosely devouring fluffernutters and peanut butter and raspberry jelly sandwiches, and if this has had a negative effect on the size of my ass, it is entirely my brother’s fault.