Pardon my TMI

Also my lack of entries. I have three finals to do in about the next week and a half, and I'm trying not to waste any more time on the Internet than I absolutely have to, although that's not working out too well for me.

Anyway, besides my finals and the sudden problem I've been having with controlling my depression (I've never had a problem with SAD, so I don't know what this is all about), for the past few months I've been spending about 75% of my time suffering from The Hormonal Crazy, and I am seriously considering going to the student health center and having myself put back on birth control pills. I give BCPs half the credit for my being so fat and angry during the second half of USC (Zoloft gets the rest of it) but I really cannot take the insanity anymore. The only reason I haven't been already is that I just know there would be a gyn exam if I did, and I've only had one since I was 18 (I like to take full advantage of the fact that I don't have a sex life) and on my own personal torment scale I rate gyn exams somewhere around "ripping out my own toenails with pliars."

But this week was seriously the last straw. I am accustomed to the fact that I usually spend at least 50% of my time dealing with The Hormonal Crazy, between getting PMS for a full week (I don't know how I get so lucky) and my period for another, which normally leaves me normal for 14 days and insane for the other 14. But sometimes I get these months where I go a little crazy for the week I ovulate too, and thus my month sometimes looks like this:

1 week of ovulation: 7 days of alternately fighting the urge to cut my hair up to shoulderlength and lying in a heap on my bed with the portable DVD player in my lap (does anyone remember last January when I cut off a bunch of my hair? That was probably why, although I made up a bunch of stuff that sounded rational at the time, mostly because I didn't want to say the totally irrational reasons why I was actually doing it).

1 week of PMS: basically, a lot of bloating. And sore boobs. And craving salt, which makes me more bloated and sore. And extra crankiness, although I'll be the first to admit that in my case it's hard to tell.

1 week of menstration: we've all been here. (and by we, I mean all the readers I know about, as you're all women.)

1 normal week.

It's like having some sort of reverse werewolf syndrome. I get one normal week and three weeks of being in pain, psychotic, or both.

And, as I said, this past week was the last straw. I got all the symptoms of being pregnant and I have no earthly idea why. I got morning sickness and bloating and random waves of nausea and acid reflux and vertigo and I even had one evening where my lower back was killing me, although I think that may have had something to do with the fact that I went for an 8-mile walk in the vain hope that more exercise would help my serotonin levels. And then yesterday I started feeling better, for about 2 hours, before I realized that my bra didn't fit anymore and PMS had struck.

Please, I'm begging for the madness to stop. I really don't want to go back on BCPs and have to put up with all the associated crazy from that as well (I remember a particular incident when I started shouting at a security guard, which is never a good thing to do) and we all know I won't go to the student health center anyway unless they promise I can keep my clothes on, but I can't take The Hormonal Crazy on top of the depression and I really need to get things done this month.